On Wednesdays, We Get Physical Exams
Next Wednesday I have a doctors appointment and I’m already thinking of cancelling. I have an exaggerated startle-reflex resulting from past trauma and am more than anxious about having my yearly physical. I’ve been seeing a pediatrician for the past 21 years and am extremely nervous about seeing a new doctor, despite my therapist speaking with her beforehand. Meeting with an internal medicine doctor translates to Pap smears, pelvic exams, breast exams, and all the usual vital signs being taken. I’d rather have a child puke on me than be laying half-naked on an examination table. Thats how nervous I am. Thank God I’m seeing my therapist tomorrow.
A few days ago, while at work I overheard some male employees joking about rape. One mentioned how it wouldn’t be rape if you “just let it happen”. I’m sorry, WHAT?! No one asks to be sexually assaulted or willingly complies with it. Regardless of what we’re wearing, drinking, or doing, we’re not at all asking for it.
Nine times out of ten, when asked to share an interesting fact about myself, I’ll default to “I’m adopted”. Being adopted has become an integral part of my being regardless of if I like it or not. As I mentioned in an earlier post, it’s difficult for me to reassure kids that their parents will come back. My birth parents abandoned me on a street corner when I was nine months old. Not only was I abandoned, I was also abused by my adoptive parents. I believe if someone loves you, they’ll never leave you or hurt you mentally, physically, or emotionally. There’s no way of knowing if life would’ve been better if I wasn’t given up for adoption, and it’s something I think about on an almost daily basis.