I Choose Recovery Because…

Choosing Recovery is Choosing Life

  1. Life with an eating disorder isn’t really living… it’s dying
  2. To be able to enjoy eating, instead of dreading and obsessing about it.
  3. So I can learn to live in the moment, instead of with negative and degrading thoughts in my head
  4. To be able to wear a bikini and form fitting clothes out in public, without worrying about what others may think of my body
  5. No more keeping secrets about food and no more lying about what I did or didn’t eat
  6. I want to know what it feels like to be genuinely happy
  7. I have to be recovered from my eating disorder in order to help others who are struggling
  8. I want to be able to love myself and accept all my flaws and imperfections no matter how big or small they are
  9. To have the courage to use my own voice and speak my mind, instead of letting my ED do all the talking
  10. So I don’t isolate myself from others as much
  11. To have a regular menstrual cycle
  12. To stop aiming for perfection and realize that perfection doesn’t exist
  13. To have a healthy attitude toward exercise
  14. If I keep engaging in ED behaviors, I may jeopardize my chance of having a child in the future
  15. I want to be able to live my life to the fullest
  16. To be able to make mistakes and not beat myself up over them
  17. To realize risk taking is ok and part of life
  18. To be more in tune with my body’s wants and needs and to honor them
  19. no more shaking, feeling cold all the time, no more dizziness and better concentration, focus, and memory
  20. When I’m recovered, I won’t let the number on the scale dictate how my day is going to go, how much I should eat and how I should feel
  21. I won’t let clothing sizes bother me
  22. I want to be able to go out to eat with my friends without worrying about whether they think I’m eating too much
  23. I want to be able to eat dessert without feeling guilty about it
  24. Being recovered means..no more meal plans
  25. I want to eat intuitively
  26. I want to be able to inspire others to fully recover from their eating disorder
  27. I deserve to recover just as much as everyone else does
  28. I want the freedom to do what I want, when I want and on my own terms!! I don’t want to keep living as eating disordered
  29. To be able to speak my mind, without worrying about what others may think of me.
  30. I want to be more daring
  31. To be able to find my own voice and use it
  32. To have more confidence in myself and my abilities.
  33. To be able to accept a compliment and believe every word of it
  34. I want to be more spontaneous and less rigid about how I live
  35. I am more than a number.
  36. Treatment centers are no fun to be in. I rather be in college making new friends
  37. Becoming recovered from an eating disorder is something to be very proud of and something I’ll never regret

 

 

 

Evening Insights

Thoughts From a Childcare Worker

     I never stop learning things about myself. I’ve finally realized I care so much about children as a result of my past abuse. I want to be able to empathize, love, and care for other kids in a way my parents never did. I want kids to know how much they’re loved and wanted. Working in childcare is in a sense my way of giving to others what I never got growing up. I almost cried earlier today when a parent said their family is moving out of state next month. You could almost hear the sound of my heart breaking in two. It’s incredibly difficult for me to tell inconsolable children that yes, their parents will come back. Parent’s always come back. They would never leave you forever. It almost physically pains me to say those words due to my own abandonment as a child. I’m also envious of the relationships these kids have with their siblings and parents. The amount of love, empathy, and affection that they give each other is endless. Why can’t I have that??  Why am I so stubborn when it comes to letting people love me? Oh right, I’m incredibly terrified of people leaving me. That’s why.