Evening Insights

Thoughts From a Childcare Worker

     I never stop learning things about myself. I’ve finally realized I care so much about children as a result of my past abuse. I want to be able to empathize, love, and care for other kids in a way my parents never did. I want kids to know how much they’re loved and wanted. Working in childcare is in a sense my way of giving to others what I never got growing up. I almost cried earlier today when a parent said their family is moving out of state next month. You could almost hear the sound of my heart breaking in two. It’s incredibly difficult for me to tell inconsolable children that yes, their parents will come back. Parent’s always come back. They would never leave you forever. It almost physically pains me to say those words due to my own abandonment as a child. I’m also envious of the relationships these kids have with their siblings and parents. The amount of love, empathy, and affection that they give each other is endless. Why can’t I have that??  Why am I so stubborn when it comes to letting people love me? Oh right, I’m incredibly terrified of people leaving me. That’s why.

Why Netflix, Why?

Thoughts on the New Netflix Series: To The Bone

     I’m extremely concerned about the Netflix show “To the Bone”. I refused to watch the trailer due to fear of triggering myself. While I understand Netflix’s attempt to spread awareness and spark discussions surrounding mental illness, I don’t believe this is the right way to do so. Many people struggle with an eating disorder, and this show has massive potential to trigger them beyond belief. The storyline involves a caucasian girl who gets called fat, develops Anorexia, and ends up in a treatment center. The trailer gives in to some (if not all) eating disorder stereotypes. In other words, not all individuals who have eating disorders are female, caucasian, and have Anorexia. In fact, a fair amount of individuals who have an eating disorder are in the “normal” weight range for their age and height.  Not only did Netflix have the audacity to create “To the Bone”, it also poured salt in the wound by categorizing the show as a “comedy-drama”. There is NOTHING funny about mental illness, let alone one that has the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric illness. If you want to learn how devastating and insidious eating disorders are, watch Someday Melissa or Thin. Those movies are documentaries. REAL documentaries. No scripted lines, no actors. Recovery does involve some laughs, but it also involves a lot of crying, screaming, and hitting rock bottom over and over again. Oh, and did I mention Netflix renewed “13 Reasons Why” for a second season?! As if one season didn’t do enough damage. When I signed up for Netflix, I wasn’t anticipating on paying $12 a month for a subscription service that sensationalizes mental illness.

– Blur –

A Poem on Dissociation

If I cross my eyes just right, the world will blur

Peripheral vision lost

The world, fuzzy like the edges of cotton candy

It’s like a secret superpower

I can shut off from reality

The fear

The dread

The all-consuming anxiety

Gone

Ambient noises cease as the walls threaten to close in on me

Time comes to a screeching halt as I sink deeper and deeper into the abyss

 

 

Welcome

Overview of blog topics

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Thanks for stopping by my page; my name is Kate and I’m so glad you’re here. I intend to use this platform to share my journey through mental illness. As a disclaimer, I’d like to advise you some posts may discuss topics such as adoption, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, abuse, trauma, sexual harassment, and sexual assault. While my blog may primarily be about mental illness and the topics mentioned above, it will also include posts about life in general.

Wishing you healing, peace, and good vibes,

Kate